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More and more like Christ
One of the classes Van enjoys the most at our Door of Faith men's recovery center is "The Purpose-Driven Life."
Alex Van Cartlandt, Van to those who know him, says he has always been a questioning person. And in the past, that personality trait at times kept him from finding faith and peace.
On the other hand, since coming to Hope Ministries, there are some things Van does know. This is what he knows:
"I know it was stupid."
Unlike many former drug distributors, Van's involvement in drugs didn't begin when he was a teenager or even a young adult. He first began making and distributing drugs when he was 38 years old.
"It was all because of the money. I had a lot of back pain, so it was an easier way to make money. I didn't have to stand all day," he says.
He didn't actually use the drugs himself. "I knew what it was doing to people, but I figured if they're standing in line to buy it, someone has to make it." Van's involvement in the drug industry was enough to earn him more than 10 years in prison.
"I have a different attitude now. I look back and I know it was pretty stupid, what I was doing. I lost everything because of it."
"I knew it was time to be a part of the real world again."
Before coming to Hope Ministries, Van lived in a tent camp along a river in Des Moines.
After prison, Van owned a "this and that" store in Des Moines, but life eventually went downhill again – and he found himself living in a tent camp along a river. And that is when he first came into contact with Hope Ministries – specifically, with David Burrier, Hope Ministries' chief development officer who was leading a Saturday Service and Mission (SAM) Team that day. Every Saturday, SAM Teams visit the tent camps, offering prayer, encouragement and a few basic necessities for the camp residents.
"I was really annoyed the first time they came," remembers Van. "I wanted to stay anonymous."
But David continued to visit Van along with SAM Teams, building a relationship and offering friendship. Eventually, Van came to look forward to the visits. And one particular Saturday, David was in for a surprise.
"One Saturday Van presented me with three duffel bags," David recounts. "He said, ‘Look inside.' Inside was clothing and towels all neatly folded. I asked what this was all about and Van said it was all extra clothing that he and another tent camp resident acquired from various groups that'd reached out to them – more than they needed and much of it didn't fit them."
When David commented to Van that the contents of the bags looked as if it'd all been washed, Van's response was, "Of course!"
"It's been washed, dried and folded. What do you expect?" Van answered, telling David he'd collected extra cans for the redemption money in order to pay for the cleaning of the items. "I wanted you to be able to put it to use right away. I knew Hope Ministries would get it to people who could really use it."
Eventually, Van made the decision to leave his tent camp and enter Hope Ministries' recovery program.
"There came a point when I knew it was time to be a part of the real world again."
"I know my temptation."
For a man who enjoys being alone, living with dozens of other men in recovery at Hope Ministries has stretched and challenged Van. "I would say I'm a bit more patient now," he says.
And he's determined to graduate from the recovery program. Some of his favorite classes throughout the program have included a class in which men work through the book A Purpose-Driven Life, as well as a class working through the AA's 12-steps with a Christ-centered emphasis.
"I find that class most helpful when it comes to money. I know my temptation. It's money," says Van. "It's easy to think, ‘I could turn this couple hundred into a couple grand.' That's what I struggle with and have to avoid."
As he continues on through the recovery program, Van says he's begun to change.
"I've lost a lot of my hatred. I just hated the world. I don't know where that came from, maybe back when I used to battle my parents. I think I was born diametrically opposed to my parents," he says. "But I'm becoming more patient, more tolerant and I don't get as irate. I feel like I'm actually pretty serene most of the time."
"I know there's genuine two-way interaction."
Most of all, Van says his relationship with the Lord has changed.
"I grew up in a staunch Catholic family. We were in church every Sunday. But then as an adult I'd pretty much just go to midnight mass four times a year," he says looking back.
That's changing, however.
"Now I have a daily walk with Christ. And I don't just take everyone's word for it, but I'm getting to know him myself. There's communication. I talk to Christ," he says. "And it's changing me."
The evidence of that change, he adds, is present in his everyday life. "I'll set off to do something and end up doing the exact opposite. I'll wonder, ‘How did this happen, it's not what I'd planned.' That's how I know there's genuine two-way interaction."
"More and more like Christ"
All in all, Van says, there's a peace in his life now that wasn't there before.
"I see myself now more and more like Christ," he says.
As for the questions still swirling in his deep-thinking mind, Van says having all the answers isn't critical anymore.
"I'm realizing there are some things I'll never have an answer for. And I'm learning to accept that now. I'm at peace."
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